"Let's be friends"

Okay, is it me, or does the phrase "let's be friends" actually have some validity?

I bring this up, because I feel like sometimes there are guys that i'm honestly not interested in, and times when I just don't want to date anyone, and I notice that I guy is getting to serious, so I will throw out the "friend" card.

Take Brett for instance...

I met Brett about a month ago through a coworker. It had been a couple weeks since I had broken up with my long-term boyfriend, and I was a mess. So she took pity on me and invited me to come meet some of her guy friends, and see if maybe I could hit it off with one of them.

I met Brett after showing up in my cute new swimsuit, and also having shown off how incompetent I was on a wakeboard. I sat in the back of the boat while he sat in the front, but I caught his attention when I told one of the guys where I had served my mission, and he yelled out to Brett that I served in the same country as him. So Brett and I started talking, and we had a lot in common with our missions. We served in different missions, but knew a lot of the same people, and of course, the same languages. I had a lot of fun talking to him, and when I asked him what he was doing for the fourth. After we discovered that neither of us had plans, he asked me out to a MLS game. I was happy to go out with him, because at this point I had only dated one other guy since breaking up with my ex, and I wasn't interested in the him.

We went to the MLS game and out to dinner, and even though it started off kind of slow, we ended the night talking for hours at my house. I was really impressed by him, and all he had accomplished with his life and on the mission. So even though both Brett and I didn't feel like we had a ton in common, we both wanted to try out dating a little more. After a few more dates, we ended up going to another MLS game with his best friend (who also happened to be the ex boyfriend of said coworker). I wasn't impressed by his friend. Honestly, I feel like you can really tell what kind of person someone is by the kind of people they hang around. His friend seemed like he was trying to show off, and Brett was doing the same in return for his friend...with me. I know that we had been going out quite a bit, but I honestly hate feeling pressure to hold hands or kiss or anything like that. And Brett was hanging all over me and touching me, and I was soooo incredibly uncomfortable.

Then yesterday, he texted me to go out again, but I was in two words: freaked. out. I didn't want to go any farther. I had just broken the heart of a man I loved, and it hurt. It was such a bad breakup, that I don't feel like I can trust a man right now, even though it has been a month and a half.

Here's what went down between me and brett:

Brett: "So are you busy all week? No date this week? :("

Me: "Yeah, I have to be honest with you too...i'm still really freaked out about my last relationship and i'm only dating around right now for fun. I'm not going to lead you on when i'm not capable of anything right now."

Brett: "I'm not searching for anything serious either but if you're not interested in dating anymore that's fine"

Me: "I really don't know if I could keep dating. I am still healing from things and it's hard for me to date anyone at all right now, serious or not. I'm sorry, this all probably sounds real lame but i'm just trying to be honest with myself that i'm not ready. I really did have fun with you, and I would love to be your friend when you move up here :)"

...and that was the last I heard from Brett. I would hope that he would've understood that I wasn't trying to "play the friend card" but that I am honestly not ready to date. I realized that with him I would start to panic and overthink. I don't want to fall into dating someone again when I emotionally cannot handle it right now. If he had been patient and tried to stick around, then maybe it would have been possible, but now i'm thinking that if someone isn't willing to be patient, then it just isn't right.

Breakups are hard, and especially this last one I went through. My ex has been trying to use the "let's me friends" card, but he doesn't mean it. He's told people that it's his new plan to "be my friend" in order to try and win me back. Honestly, I don't want to be friends with people who have a hidden agenda and are trying to get something out of me. Is it too much for a girl to just need a friend? I don't need another boyfriend right now, and I feel like that's all guys want from me. So if any of you out there reading this are guys, here's a lesson for you: when a girl says "let's be friends"...maybe sometimes she really means it, and needs it.

Lady Momo